ADHD and self-sabotage: Overcome the right challenges

Worried you're self-sabotaging with ADHD? You might not be.

Everyone self-sabotages sometimes. We set goals, make promises to ourselves, and then act in ways that seem to directly undermine our own intentions.

But when it comes to ADHD and self-sabotage, I often question whether what looks like self-sabotage really is.

Many of my clients with ADHD are business owners who come to me frustrated and confused. They plan things with care and good intentions, but when it comes to taking action, something gets in the way. They're left feeling like they've let themselves down again.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

ADHD and when planning isn’t the problem

One client tells me she’s never able to start work on time. She runs her own business, so the stakes might not seem as high as clocking in at a corporate job, but it matters just as much.

The night before, she’s focused. She preps packed lunches, gets clothes and bags ready, lays out everything for herself and her daughter’s morning routine. She ticks through a blackboard of evening to-dos and feels great when it’s all done - even if it takes her into the late hours.

But come morning, it all unravels. Her head’s crowded with thoughts. New ideas are popping. Notifications on her phone drag her attention away. She hasn’t managed the distractions effectively and before she knows it, the morning’s slipped away. She’s missed her intended start time. Again.

It’s not laziness, and it’s not a lack of effort. The planning is there. The intention is real. So what’s happening?

ADHD and the planning–action disconnect

Another client is a master of productivity systems. His calendar looks like a rainbow of perfectly time-blocked plans. He uses alarms, email nudges, beautifully organised to-do lists.

But ask him to book the car in for its MOT ahead of a family road trip and, somehow, it doesn’t get done. He only manages to act on things when there’s a burning deadline for today. Everything else slips through.

Again, this isn’t self-sabotage in the traditional sense. He isn’t undermining himself on purpose or neglecting what matters. What’s happening here is neurological, not behavioural.

There’s a physical separation and disconnect between the part of the ADHD brain that plans and the part that acts. These parts are unable to communicate effectively with each other - no matter how well-organised the planner is or how high the stakes are.

“Executive dysfunction’’ describes a difficulty with the cognitive skills that help you plan, get organised and motivated, regulate your emotions, and reflect on your actions. They can be the cause of many of the “ADHD taxes” people pay. These are the hidden costs, penalties, and frustrations that come with trying to live in a world that doesn’t always accommodate a different wiring.

What’s the difference between ‘normal’ self-sabotage and ADHD self-sabotage?

There are patterns of true self-sabotage that show up more commonly for people with ADHD, but they’re often emotional and internal, not logistical.

Common examples of self-sabotage:

• Chronic self-criticism

A running internal commentary of ‘I should be able to do this’, which chips away at confidence and motivation.

• Rejecting compliments 

Feeling like praise can’t possibly be true or deserved (‘If they only knew the real me…’).

• Perfectionism 

Holding back from starting or sharing anything unless it’s “perfect”, which leads to paralysis.

• Setting the bar low 

Avoiding big goals or new challenges to dodge disappointment or expected failure.

• Self-medicating 

Turning to alcohol, drugs, or unhealthy habits to cope with ADHD symptoms when other interventions feel out of reach or not instant enough.

• Avoiding support 

Believing “I should just be able to deal with it” and resisting help that could make things easier.

This is real self-sabotage. Emotional blocks that can quietly derail progress, dim aspirations, and reinforce shame over time.

How can you deal with ADHD self-sabotage?

If you recognise yourself in these self-sabotage patterns, here’s where to start:

• Name it, don’t shame it

Being self-aware and learning to recognise the difference between a neurological block and self-sabotage helps you stop blaming yourself.

• Work with your brain, not against it 

Use tools that meet your ADHD needs, not ones that feel like punishment or rigid discipline.

• Practise self-compassion

The kinder your self-talk, the more likely you are to recover quickly and try again.

• Get external accountability 

An ADHD informed coach, therapist or a trusted peer can help bridge the planning-action gap and gently keep you on track.

• Celebrate progress 

Catch yourself when you do follow through and reward your achievement - even if it’s imperfect. That’s what builds momentum.

Not everything that looks like self-sabotage is self-sabotage

For business owners with ADHD, recognising the real barriers is a powerful step toward creating a work life that actually works for you.

There are practical strategies to manage things like planning-action disconnects and time blindness, both ADHD symptoms. There are also tools to untangle the deeper habits of self-criticism, avoidance, and perfectionism.

You don’t have to keep fighting yourself to make progress.

Could you be an ADHD business owner suffering from ADHD self-sabotage?

If any of this sounds like you, let’s talk. ADHD business coaching is designed to address the ADHD challenges you face in business too, because traditional business coaching fails to take them into account. Get in touch for a conversation about how these patterns are showing up for you and discover what, with the right support, you could do differently.