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The cost of not knowing your values: relationships


Illustration of a woman and a man in beach wear, holding hands while walking, with big smiles on their faces
The cost of not knowing your values: relationships

Susan came to coaching after a series of unsuccessful long-term relationships. When we discussed the common issues in these relationships, she was concerned their failure was her fault; she was the common factor. What became clear was that Susan had worked hard at these relationships and persisted with them well beyond their sell-by dates.


In addition to understanding the implications of her and her partners’ Attachment Styles (Anxious, Avoidant or Secure), Susan had never considered checking-in with her values at the outset of a relationship; the bit before you fall in lust or love, when it’s easier to make clear-headed decisions.


During the Values coaching session, we explored all of Susan’s significant partner relationships, looking at the good and bad bits in a constructive way, to find out what was really important to her, above all else.


Susan says: “It’s a deep conversation and Lorna got me to look at my relationships in ways I hadn’t before. It was so insightful, and it is just brilliant knowing what my most important values are and what I need to avoid! It really broadened my thinking.”

Susan left the session with a ‘tick list’, as she called it, and a new awareness with which to assess any potential new partner.


I was delighted to hear from Susan some months after our session, with the news that she is now in a relationship with a man who, she is sure, ticks the values on her list.


She says: “It’s really different to my previous relationships. I am so happy, and the relationship is so easy. And I’m confident that we are really well-suited, knowing that we share the same values.”

I have changed my client's name to protect her anonymity, but this is her real story and I have quoted her actual words. My sincere thanks to ''Susan' for generously allowing me to share her experience in this way.


One of the ways of prioritising when you are feeling overwhelmed is to understand your most important values - whether it’s for work, relationships, health or anything else that is making you feel stuck - is really important for your success and satisfaction.


To find out more about how Lorna Thomas / Be The Best You In Business coaching and mentoring could support you to increase your confidence and grow your business with clarity, focus and control, book a call...



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